old paper in the sunlight

I got out of bed this morning and looked out into a bright morning. as I stood there, I noticed there was a piece of paper on top of my lil' filing cabinet; on it was a prayer I had written some unknown time ago. as often happens with things you've written and forgotten about, it comes across as familiar and yet alien. almost like peering into the mind of a close friend without him near. anyway..

---

a prayer of conviction.

LORD-
I am so far from where You want me to be. You are giving me knowledge of how far short my character and actions are from Your Perfection - as they will be as long as I reside on this earth. I say this not as a surrender to the sin I hate, but as the honest recognition (developing) that I am nothing before You - here and through eternity.
Jesus, You call me to serve only one master - my disobedience is rebellion.
- even my foolish attempts to serve You only end up benefitting me in such a way that it is in doubt whether I was really serving You or merely my own conscience.
- You are above my conscience.

anger, arrogance, hypocrisy, self-righteousness, sagacious level-headedness, self-satisfaction, and chiefly my lack of love for You first and above all things - these are my sins. they accuse me and alternate between haunting me into despair or passing into zealous ignorance. both are unacceptable to You.
- I require Your grace and love --> as a plant needs sunlight.

I love You only when Your love is supplied to and through me. the same for loving others. therefore I cede my rights to myself (help make this real!) in the hope that it will be You, Jesus Christ, alive in me and not merely me. In order to love You as You want/require me to love You, I must carry Your death and therefore Your Life within me.
oh God, Redeemer and Saviour, please make that true.

- Your grace is sufficient for me, in spite of my refusal to accept it.
- Your grace is sufficient for me, even when I attempt to attain a better moral character.
- Your grace is sufficient for me, even when I sin and go on sinning.
- Your grace is sufficient for me, most powerfully when I submit to it.
- Your grace is sufficient for me, for without it what hope do I have?
- Your grace is sufficient for me, for it teaches me that You are sovereign.
- Your grace is sufficient for me, even when I rebelliously live otherwise.
- Your grace is sufficient for me, under the sun and in Presence of Your Son.

[may I never cease singing the wonders of Your grace!]

Praise You Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - the Godhead that offers submission and therein the fount of grace (other way around - submission found in grace!).

- Your grace is sufficient for me, for it's the only means by which I can genuinely submit.

doxa.