africa

for those who haven't heard, sheena left seattle bound for southern africa this past tuesday. she will return late may 23rd (about 41.5 days from now). she is there to serve in a local church with kids as well as to help start an HIV home care/prevention program.

I'm grateful that I was able to speak with her last night: she arrived in the city where she'll be serving (rundu in the country of namibia - near the angolan border) safely. she's tired: she's been traveling almost constantly since she left tuesday afternoon.

I take solace and happiness in the knowledge that God knows her needs - I have little idea what is best for her right now and therefore what I should pray for, but He knows.

more to come soon.

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[part of] faith is this: to submit hardship to God. and thereby turn pain to suffering and a little crucifixion.

in other words, pain can be passed by with business and a focus upon non-painful things. this is functional but it is a deliberate attempt to fool yourself by separating knowledge from the heart. "I will get through this hard time by not thinking about it and plugging away."

but this is a mistake for two reasons:
1. it is a lie, for it seeks to deal with pain/hardship by trying to create a psychological environment where that pain simply does not exist. "if I don't think about it, then it can't hurt me."
2. it does not treat God truthfully or lovingly.

the second reason is intimately tied with the first statement: that faith is submitting hardship to God.

- if I lie to myself, then when I submit myself to God I am lying to Him.
- if I do not know myself, then I do not know what I am submitting to Him.
- if I am not willing to submit my pain to God, then I am denying His strength to resolve it.

for the loving truth is this: God calls us to submit ourselves to Him. that is a spiritual and psychological act (that He assists and makes possible). in True submission (may I find it by His grace!), pain is transformed into suffering and thus something for the sake of the Gospel. for in suffering, I can no longer claim anything for myself - not a right, not offense, and certainly not a notion that I deserve a thing. in pain, I claim to have all of these things - the right not to be in pain, the offense at hardship in my life, and the idea that I don't deserve hardship (even if it's only for a time: "I just want one day of peace.").

it is in suffering - not in pain! - that we find True perspective. it is therefore in suffering - not in pain! - that God draws near to us (for all of my claims in pain blind my spirit so that I no longer allow myself to perceive God).

may He draw near to sheena and me now. and by that, may He take the distance between us and turn it into an object of glory before the Throne.

amen and glory.