brief update

alrighty, so life is exceedingly full at the moment. but a brief synopsis of current events/thoughts is good:
1. the upcoming week shall be named 'chaos.' it will include the following:
- preparation for a journal club talk (type iib sugra compactified on ads5 x s5; ooooohhhh =p)
- the delivery of said talk.
- production of center of charge plots for massless diffusion in the N=4 sym plasma as produced from ads/cft with (D7/D3) massless flavour.
- [hopefully] the production of actual charge density plots for the same. or at least the beginning/middle of this.
2. consequently, this week is rather shot to hell. however, I will make myself available sunday afternoon/evening for spending time with folks. that includes church and post-church monkage.
3. after this week, I'll be heading out to s/v for the halloween retreat. sheena will probably be coming as well. :) glorious!
4. family stuff has stabilized by the grace of God. thank you for your prayer. 'the prayer of a righteous man availeth much.'
5. the Gospel is hard. I think I've spent a lot of time over the past few years thinking/meditating on complicated things in Christianity instead of on these simple facts: forgiveness is hard; praying for your enemies is hard; walking the extra mile is hard; confession and repentance are hard; giving up expectations for myself [and others] is hard; trusting in His provision every day is hard; casting aside anxiety and self-torment is hard; &c.
6. I apologize for being sequestered primarily over the past month. it's been a busy/quasi-traumatic season with family/school stuff.
7. for a long time (and especially after the hell I put rachel through), I've been concerned with my self-conception and self-awareness of love. in other words, [until recently] every time I thought I was falling in love or love was awakened in my heart, I was fooling myself. the image was present without the substance. and so I suffered (from my own hand) anxiety on whether I would ever know the truth of love in my heart.
I think I can report that my anxiety was an intellectual/academic exercise that existed not because my heart was deficient, but simply because I had never fallen in love.
I can say that now because both sheena and I believe that we are falling in love with each other. I find myself hesitant to say how deep or substantive that love is, but this one thing I believe firmly: that we are presently in the act of falling in love, and that deeply. how deep and how substantive I don't think we can say for some time, nor is it important that we have an answer to that. the matter is simple and clear: love from the Source of Love is alive and growing between us, and we trust to His timing for how that grows and deepens. yes!

ok; to the grindstone. [how's that for a transition?]

'madness!'