a curious combination: 'purity of heart is to will one thing, and that thing the highest.' with 'self-division is the signal of the paroxysm of the underground.'
a curious question: what picture would I behold if my life and person were taken to the absurd? if my personality, characteristics, religion, et al were taken to an extreme but logical extension of themselves?
a seamless transition: 'I begin with total freedom and end with total despotism.'
a perilous choice: identical evidence belies Ivan and Alyosha, the skeptic and the believer.
a disquieting thought: self-justification is, at our age, a largely passive process.
a stop: self-sacrifice alone is self-idolatry.
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how does a scientist exorcise his demons? analysis alone will begin from a broken place and only explore its compact realm. and even if reason detects the lie, falsification and self-contradiction is not sufficient to destroy possession. the possibility of specific revelation is exchanged for fear and self-flagellation. but specific revelation is constructive and full of light.
writing seems to me to be the simplest route.
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