'failed' rest

hmmm, the return to uber-nerdom didn't take as long as I figured.

but for now, a deliberate break. since my mind is still immersed in work and obligations, I s'pose this time will become freewriting-towards-becoming-human-again.

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of course, I don't have the slightest idea what to write about. this presents a problem. I feel somewhat absent of substance right now; I silence my thoughts still left from the day's work and I don't find much of anything else worth keeping around. flickers, temptations, and an amazingly strong impulse to simply stare into the dark. but no substance.

in short, I feel pretty stinkin' useless right now. or just extremely passive.

and I suspect that me trying to invigorate myself back into active life is about as reasonable as fanning flames without a fire. it's got to involve other people and/or God. both being accepted and loved by them in the vacuous days and to give someone else to focus on and love in those days.

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I count four degrees of separation from sheer randomness to loneliness. not bad. ha.

my hope is still and must remain in God. and thereby Life.