are lonelier than others.
alas.
---
the fact of the matter is that I feel that pain, yet react either with foolish indulgence or with cowardly distraction.
a sin: to dwell in suffering via melodramatic poetics. to roll the pain around inside the heart, examining it from all angles; building up the sense of injustice or magnifying the frustration beyond its original form. the fault: idolatry, pride; the elevation of the despair's seeming solution to the status of saviour. a woman is not the solution to my heart's cry nor will she be my redeemer.
another sin: to walk away from suffering and hardship by laughter and calculated revelry. [to lay down the movement of infinity for the incomplete joy of a moment] parties, jokes and laughter are important and good; in their healthy form, they give perspective, not innoculation.
a more subtle sin: to feel pain, recognize that it's solution is beyond my hands, and then [the critical moment is here] set the matter aside (perhaps even "unto God") under the reasoning that it's outside my control.
fact: 'it is not good for man to be alone.'
consequence: frustration; tension; pain.
to rely on God in pain is a confrontation, a shooting war.
giving unconfronted pain to God is a lie.
---
I have seen many things. I have seen marriage in springtime and divorce amidst flowers. I have seen lovers' joy found in unknown war. I have seen love, the appearance of love, and the mockery of love - revealed in a couple within three moments. I have seen love come and give life anew; I have watched it die and poison all those near. I have seen the illusions of youthful words and the venom of aged hate. I have seen an evil man uncaring for any woman adored by many. I have seen a kind woman cry softly in the night, wishing for comfort and never finding it. I have seen the contempt of love rewarded with affection and the pursuit of love greeted with blood.
and I have seen it fade away as mist under the sun. as something that has substance only in darkness before the dawn.
---
what a piece of unjust shit.
seen through the eyes of an undeserving man - idolatrous and murderous - the whole matter is a spectacle. and that through a mere human's eyes.
how God's heart must break.
may my heart be broken alongside Christ's.
---
some days are lonelier than others. may we not run away from those days, lest our act of "trusting God" be mere emotional masturbation.
15.10.06
14.10.06
contempt for human life
A recently published study by The Lancet has made a lot of news by claiming a total civilian casualty count of over 650,000 deaths in Iraq over the past three and a half years.
Claim:
(i.) This study constitutes a deliberate and blatantly clear misrepresentation of civilian death in Iraq.
(ii.) As such, this study's agency is the death of innocent civilians towards political ends.
---
Consider Japan, 1943-1945:
~600,000 civilian casualties, the product of
- the only two wartime nuclear bombings in human history
- deliberate (and indiscriminate) firebombing campaigns against poorly built, wooden civilian targets
- attacks against civilian infrastructure with vectors far less precise than modern guided bombing
- loss of aforementioned infrastructure (i.e. sanitation, medical, et al effects)
- massive extended ground warfare in Okinawa (~100,000 casualties) and elsewhere.
...
Important note: the Lancet claim is more than an order of magnitude higher than the nearest (mildly credible) report. Sort of like measuring the length of your hand to be a meter long, and not after its been steamrolled.
---
Final note: deliberately misrepresenting civilian death as a means of 'advocacy' for the departed is neither just nor merciful. It is a transparent act of rivalry that subjects the death of thousands to the temporary goals of the self-righteous bystanders.
Claim:
(i.) This study constitutes a deliberate and blatantly clear misrepresentation of civilian death in Iraq.
(ii.) As such, this study's agency is the death of innocent civilians towards political ends.
---
Consider Japan, 1943-1945:
~600,000 civilian casualties, the product of
- the only two wartime nuclear bombings in human history
- deliberate (and indiscriminate) firebombing campaigns against poorly built, wooden civilian targets
- attacks against civilian infrastructure with vectors far less precise than modern guided bombing
- loss of aforementioned infrastructure (i.e. sanitation, medical, et al effects)
- massive extended ground warfare in Okinawa (~100,000 casualties) and elsewhere.
...
Important note: the Lancet claim is more than an order of magnitude higher than the nearest (mildly credible) report. Sort of like measuring the length of your hand to be a meter long, and not after its been steamrolled.
---
Final note: deliberately misrepresenting civilian death as a means of 'advocacy' for the departed is neither just nor merciful. It is a transparent act of rivalry that subjects the death of thousands to the temporary goals of the self-righteous bystanders.
4.10.06
brief update + hint of further thoughts
From our dining room table in Ballard:
Life is crazy right now. Fall quarter just started up last Wednesday (boo yah) and consequently my time has vanished.. for now. Since my last posting, we had:
- trip with Ian/Nathan to the Enchantments; unearthly beauty.
- Erica's wedding; solid celebration, so many loved ones.
- trip to Spokane to visit the Soundview family; also, so many loved ones..
- new quarter of classes.
Tomorrow shall be a good day in actuality and subjective perception: my sister's coming up and we'll:
1. make bomb curry to celebrate her 17th birthday
2. go out to see Derek Webb thereafter.
Looks like Klump and Jonathan will be able to make it too. Awesome.
---
This weekend I want to spent some time and flesh out some thoughts of late.
i.) Meditation on "His grace is sufficient for me"
ii.) Creating as an ever-present, dynamic aspect of God's character
iii.) The idolatry of balance (and thereby moralism)
iv.) Wrestles with how Jesus would have dealt with mass murder..
v.) Thoughts on abiding in the love of God and thereby loving God
For now, from the pen of Soren Kierkegaard:
"Through the conceiving of Christianity as doctrine, the situation in Christendom has become utter confusion, and the definition of what it is to be a Christian has become almost indistinguishable. Therefore Christ as the prototype must be advanced, but not in order to alarm - yet it is perhaps an altogether superfluous concern that anyone could be alarmed by Christianity nowadays - but in any case not in order to alarm; we ought to learn that from the experience of the earlier times. No, the prototype must be advanced in order at least to procure some respect for Christianity, to make somewhat distinguishable what it means to be a Christian, to get Christianity moved out of the realm of scientific scholarship and doubt and nonsense (objective) and into the realm of the subjective, where it belongs just as surely as the Savior of the world, our Lord Jesus Christ, did not bring any doctrine into the world and never delivered lectures, but as the prototype required imitation, yet by his reconciliation expels, if possible, all anxiety from a person's soul."
Life is crazy right now. Fall quarter just started up last Wednesday (boo yah) and consequently my time has vanished.. for now. Since my last posting, we had:
- trip with Ian/Nathan to the Enchantments; unearthly beauty.
- Erica's wedding; solid celebration, so many loved ones.
- trip to Spokane to visit the Soundview family; also, so many loved ones..
- new quarter of classes.
Tomorrow shall be a good day in actuality and subjective perception: my sister's coming up and we'll:
1. make bomb curry to celebrate her 17th birthday
2. go out to see Derek Webb thereafter.
Looks like Klump and Jonathan will be able to make it too. Awesome.
---
This weekend I want to spent some time and flesh out some thoughts of late.
i.) Meditation on "His grace is sufficient for me"
ii.) Creating as an ever-present, dynamic aspect of God's character
iii.) The idolatry of balance (and thereby moralism)
iv.) Wrestles with how Jesus would have dealt with mass murder..
v.) Thoughts on abiding in the love of God and thereby loving God
For now, from the pen of Soren Kierkegaard:
"Through the conceiving of Christianity as doctrine, the situation in Christendom has become utter confusion, and the definition of what it is to be a Christian has become almost indistinguishable. Therefore Christ as the prototype must be advanced, but not in order to alarm - yet it is perhaps an altogether superfluous concern that anyone could be alarmed by Christianity nowadays - but in any case not in order to alarm; we ought to learn that from the experience of the earlier times. No, the prototype must be advanced in order at least to procure some respect for Christianity, to make somewhat distinguishable what it means to be a Christian, to get Christianity moved out of the realm of scientific scholarship and doubt and nonsense (objective) and into the realm of the subjective, where it belongs just as surely as the Savior of the world, our Lord Jesus Christ, did not bring any doctrine into the world and never delivered lectures, but as the prototype required imitation, yet by his reconciliation expels, if possible, all anxiety from a person's soul."
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