From a table at Verite Coffee in Ballard:
Qualifying exams start in eight days. At which point we can be tested on, well, *anything* that we should have learned including a large variety of things which we should have been taught (*cough* rehr *cough*) but weren't. Alas. Rather scary.
*September 13th-
- 0900 - Quantum Mechanics
- 1200 - Statistical Mechanics
- 1500 - Superbasic
*September 14th-
- 0900 - Electrodynamics
- 1200 - Classical Mechanics
With the exception of Hamilton-Jacobi theory and anharmonic quasi-frequencies, classical is done. So far, I've been able to complete every quantum test I've tried in less than 20-40 minutes with ~98% accuracy...
Brief digression: I've noticed consistently low expectations for students' abilities to *do* quantum since the beginning of undergrad, continuing through the present. Which is really quite sad. I don't know if that's a reflection of poor intuition for how quantum systems operate or the non-analytic solubility of most quantum problems, but either way it's dissapointing. Or perhaps I'm just really arrogant.
Similar feelings on the Superbasic (thorough knowledge of intro + modern). This leaves E/M and SM. I've spent most of the past week on E/M and have it up to the acceptable level of preparation.. which leaves me near-terrified about statmech. Fortunately, it looks like the next week is going to be the biggest crash course in my life to finally *really* learn what we should have understood after taking a freaking course in the subject during winter quarter. Thank God for the remaining time given.
---
In other recent news:
- Jim got his massive fish tank. It lights up our living room quite splendidly. He also just got a weight bench & such.. in the apparent hope of working out.
- We also just got a pullup bar. I confess I didn't know you could install them in your home until now.. and I'm really quite happy to be so presently informed. Pullups are a blessed gift straight from the Throne.
- Just finished campsitting for Dave/Sarah last week while they went off for a wedding. Was great for all concerned. 'Twas mighty nice to spend time on site.. and on the Woods. I need to get out there after quals and have some serious time at the waterfront with Jesus..
- Kathryn came up this past weekend.. I wish I didn't have to study for most of the time, but we still had a good amount of fun. She's maturing fast. I want to say that I can see God growing her in profound ways.. but I can't quite enumerate/articulate them definitively. Doesn't mean it isn't true though.
- Upon the longstanding recommendation from several folks, Jim and I picked up the first four episodes of '24' a couple nights ago from Hollywood video. Holy crap. Kathryn pointed out how much it pulled Jim/me into it.. apparently Jim bites his cuticles and I start going crazy playing with my beard when we're tense and don't think anyone's watching.
- Got to visit UPS for a bit last week... I'm really happy that folks are back. I look forward to going down as soon as possible.. Bryan is particularly on my mind and heart right now. God be with Him and make his way straight.
---
And now for a theological digresson:
In intellectual pursuits, it is revealing that the stated goal of the study of a subject is often to attain *mastery* of it. This mastery is perhaps best seen in the concise description of complicated abstractions therein and the competent defense of particular viewpoints within the whole. As a 20's-something male, I can attest to the sense of power that comes with both of the above. However, the interesting consequence is that this 'mastery' implies subset inclusion. In other words, subjects or aspects therein that I have mastered are smaller than me in the sense of understanding. To use more martial vocabulary, 'mastered' understanding is tantamount to conquest over the subject matter and the revelation of self-capacity. It need not proceed to contempt, but this certainly happens more often than not.
An interesting investigation from here involves looking at how God wants to keep us humble in the midst of intellectual pursuits where the 'mastery' involved is not illusory. However, let's go to something a little bigger.
I am unable to simultaneously be honest and competently defend things beyond my mastery: I must choose one or the other. But what of God and Jesus? Can I honestly claim to have mastered the knowledge and wisdom of God? Absolutely not.
All of my attempts to intellectually defend Christ are nothing more than the expression of contempt and foolish arrogance.
Perhaps a dry way of looking at this (but still with power) is via epistemology or the process of knowledge-gathering. The progression of the questions of Christianity for which we need knowledge goes thus:
1. Is there a God?
2. What is our relationship to Him?
3. If broken, how broken? If good, how good?
4. If broken, can it be reconciled? If, then how?
At every point, firm knowledge requires revelation. There is simply no other tool available. The measurement of internal parameters offers only speculation as to what lies outside. At this point, atheists rely on whatever a priori tools they can find to justify the epistemological leap of declaring the impasse to in fact constitute disproof. Agnostics may remain intellectually consistent by recognizing the possibility of revelation juxtaposed against an apparent lack (brought on by self-ignorance or genuine ignorance) of revelation. And Christians..
How is one to go and advocate an answer to any of the above questions with worldly means when their resolution demands revelation? Such intention is madness.
Thus informed, apologetics and the advocacy of our faith requires us to start at this simple fact: the revelation that is Christianity is incomprehensible to human understanding. The depths of sin are infinitely beyond anything that worldly wisdom can tell us. Consequently, the fulness of grace is also infinitely beyond human conception.
NOTE: This applies just as well for Christians as for non-Christians. The simple posession of words to describe evident phenomena does not imply understanding of the mechanism that produces them.
The resulting incomprehensibility of the Gospel and Jesus are utterly needed in our relationship with Christ and our presentation of His work to the unbelieving world.
And thus true and full wonder is sparked. Or rather lightning-bolted. And thus also our love for Jesus is made more of what it should be.
"Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those who believe, Christ the power of God and wisdom of God." - I Corinthians 1:17 (I think)
5.9.06
Derek Webb's coming to Seattle
Specifically, he's coming to my church:
- October 5th, 2006
- 6:45 PM
- Mars Hill Church Ballard
- $12/ticket
For tickets/directions, visit the Mars Hill Website.
If you are able to come, you're also invited to do some 'chillaxing' (in the words of K. Thorpe) in Ballard at our place after the performance.
Additionally: if you come, try to get there a bit early. Kathryn & I are going to go in when the doors open at 6:30 and it'd be awesome to have a group.
For more info about Derek Webb, you can visit his website.
- October 5th, 2006
- 6:45 PM
- Mars Hill Church Ballard
- $12/ticket
For tickets/directions, visit the Mars Hill Website.
If you are able to come, you're also invited to do some 'chillaxing' (in the words of K. Thorpe) in Ballard at our place after the performance.
Additionally: if you come, try to get there a bit early. Kathryn & I are going to go in when the doors open at 6:30 and it'd be awesome to have a group.
For more info about Derek Webb, you can visit his website.
3.9.06
on purity & chivalry [old thoughts]
From deep in the past (slash October 2005):
- context: follow-up from a pleasant late-night conversaton with Nita/Huyck about many things. of particular interest here was a female form of 'chivalry.'
---
I've been thinking about our conversation on Saturday night, namely the female "form of chivalry" and my impulsive word-vomit in response. Over thelast couple days, the thought has gone from being pregnant and not completely formed to.. less pregnant. Sort of like prairie-dogging a baby. Anyway, here goes.
When *most* folks think about purity, they think of chastity, innocence, and Brita water filters. I contend that there is an alternative form of purity thatgets sadly overlooked, especially for women. We'll call it the "purity of identity." The woman who knows who she is and who God made her to be has purity. The woman who remains who she graciously is in the face of cultural pressure and natural insecurity has purity. [As opposed to remaining who you are for self-satisfaction] The woman whose identity is submitted and given to God (not without continual battle) has purity.
All of these aspects of purity are serving to men in and out of relationship with the woman, in the same way that chivalry does not choose who to serve. For those not in a relationship, the woman's purity of identity humbles and sets back men who would try to pressure, manipulate, or take advantage of her. Her purity also shines forth the peace and grace that only come from being at peace with God in identity, regardless of her doubts and insecurities because she is given over to God no matter how she feels, and that act of giving over allows God to always radiate that peace and light to others. For a man in arelationship/marriage with her, her peace with God becomes an example to him tolay his self-imposed burdens down and yield to God. Her purity soothes and serves him in a way that I can't really describe, but simply *know.*
Someone might respond that the description of purity above is general and healthy for all Christians and thus shouldn't be considered with the feminine.In response, chivalry is identified with the masculine and yet the spiritual/life principles involved are universal. The reason why chivalry *is*generally discussed in a masculine context is the same why the purity above should be discussed often in the feminine: the spirit and support therein is most sorely lacking amongst the gender associated. Moreover, there is somethingthat cannot be completely nailed down inside women that responds powerfully toacts of chivalry; the same for men to the purity above. All of this being said, "sweetness" is also a good candidate. However, I think that sweetness follows from the spirit of purity in the same way that chivalry follows from the spirit of service and self-sacrifice. I guess that technically that does make "sweetness" the female form of chivalry, but the sustainable life of "sweetness" is *only* possible with the purity above. It must be the true root, the connection to God's purity and peace. A quick note: the woman who is pure in identity *will* wrestle with insecurity and social/cultural pressure from those near and far. The key isn't that she is excluded from what everyone else goes through, but in her identity's root in God *by* her submitting and giving it over to God.
---
Nearly a year later, I have this to add:
Kierkegaard relates despair as the dialectic partner to faith, and in defining despair he describes two categories:
- despair to will to be oneself
- despair not to will to be oneself.
The more awareness of self and of despair the deeper and more intense the despair becomes (simultaneously bringing closer and pushing further from faith).
How is this relevant?
For young men in the West, the Enemy's current primary tactic involves unawareness and ignorance of the self, thereby leading to unrecognized despair. Or, more sadistic: he helps reveal pieces of the self and then offers substitutes/distractions/ex post facto rationalizations as a means towards purposed ignorance [of the self].
For young women, the questions "who am I?" and "who should I be?" are never far from awareness, thrumming through the common pulse of shared culture. The questions are posed (i.) without fulfillment, leading to conscious despair/insecurity or (ii.) with fulfillment, leading to a misled state (rather than necessarily purposed) of self-ignorance.
In the original writing, the form of purity described is essentially the same as Kierkegaard's description of the state-of-faith/escape-from-despair (to will to be oneself, not to will to be oneself):
wherein the soul, in itself and in relating itself to itself, rests transparently before the Power that established it.
Thus the purity described above is properly viewed as the existence of and product of deep faith, brought about as an incomprehensible gift of grace.
This has the practical effect:
Seeking after this kind of purity is as futile as any other works-based salvation:
- if you think you've succeeded, you haven't.
- if you realize you haven't, your despair will intensify.
Ultimately, the closest thing that we can do to forcefully bring such faith into our lives is to submit. Thus the space for God and His perfect faith alive/purity alive in us.
- context: follow-up from a pleasant late-night conversaton with Nita/Huyck about many things. of particular interest here was a female form of 'chivalry.'
---
I've been thinking about our conversation on Saturday night, namely the female "form of chivalry" and my impulsive word-vomit in response. Over thelast couple days, the thought has gone from being pregnant and not completely formed to.. less pregnant. Sort of like prairie-dogging a baby. Anyway, here goes.
When *most* folks think about purity, they think of chastity, innocence, and Brita water filters. I contend that there is an alternative form of purity thatgets sadly overlooked, especially for women. We'll call it the "purity of identity." The woman who knows who she is and who God made her to be has purity. The woman who remains who she graciously is in the face of cultural pressure and natural insecurity has purity. [As opposed to remaining who you are for self-satisfaction] The woman whose identity is submitted and given to God (not without continual battle) has purity.
All of these aspects of purity are serving to men in and out of relationship with the woman, in the same way that chivalry does not choose who to serve. For those not in a relationship, the woman's purity of identity humbles and sets back men who would try to pressure, manipulate, or take advantage of her. Her purity also shines forth the peace and grace that only come from being at peace with God in identity, regardless of her doubts and insecurities because she is given over to God no matter how she feels, and that act of giving over allows God to always radiate that peace and light to others. For a man in arelationship/marriage with her, her peace with God becomes an example to him tolay his self-imposed burdens down and yield to God. Her purity soothes and serves him in a way that I can't really describe, but simply *know.*
Someone might respond that the description of purity above is general and healthy for all Christians and thus shouldn't be considered with the feminine.In response, chivalry is identified with the masculine and yet the spiritual/life principles involved are universal. The reason why chivalry *is*generally discussed in a masculine context is the same why the purity above should be discussed often in the feminine: the spirit and support therein is most sorely lacking amongst the gender associated. Moreover, there is somethingthat cannot be completely nailed down inside women that responds powerfully toacts of chivalry; the same for men to the purity above. All of this being said, "sweetness" is also a good candidate. However, I think that sweetness follows from the spirit of purity in the same way that chivalry follows from the spirit of service and self-sacrifice. I guess that technically that does make "sweetness" the female form of chivalry, but the sustainable life of "sweetness" is *only* possible with the purity above. It must be the true root, the connection to God's purity and peace. A quick note: the woman who is pure in identity *will* wrestle with insecurity and social/cultural pressure from those near and far. The key isn't that she is excluded from what everyone else goes through, but in her identity's root in God *by* her submitting and giving it over to God.
---
Nearly a year later, I have this to add:
Kierkegaard relates despair as the dialectic partner to faith, and in defining despair he describes two categories:
- despair to will to be oneself
- despair not to will to be oneself.
The more awareness of self and of despair the deeper and more intense the despair becomes (simultaneously bringing closer and pushing further from faith).
How is this relevant?
For young men in the West, the Enemy's current primary tactic involves unawareness and ignorance of the self, thereby leading to unrecognized despair. Or, more sadistic: he helps reveal pieces of the self and then offers substitutes/distractions/ex post facto rationalizations as a means towards purposed ignorance [of the self].
For young women, the questions "who am I?" and "who should I be?" are never far from awareness, thrumming through the common pulse of shared culture. The questions are posed (i.) without fulfillment, leading to conscious despair/insecurity or (ii.) with fulfillment, leading to a misled state (rather than necessarily purposed) of self-ignorance.
In the original writing, the form of purity described is essentially the same as Kierkegaard's description of the state-of-faith/escape-from-despair (to will to be oneself, not to will to be oneself):
wherein the soul, in itself and in relating itself to itself, rests transparently before the Power that established it.
Thus the purity described above is properly viewed as the existence of and product of deep faith, brought about as an incomprehensible gift of grace.
This has the practical effect:
Seeking after this kind of purity is as futile as any other works-based salvation:
- if you think you've succeeded, you haven't.
- if you realize you haven't, your despair will intensify.
Ultimately, the closest thing that we can do to forcefully bring such faith into our lives is to submit. Thus the space for God and His perfect faith alive/purity alive in us.
refocus
One of my character faults/peculiarities: building massive expectations and, when unable to live up to them, shut down that part of my life until I can perform 'properly.'
- really part of my larger strength-idolatry, which therein
- leads to exceptionally hard work
- as well as extreme disquiet when the expectation/strength god is not appeased
- is the reason I haven't updated here for a while.
The same dynamic is operative in journaling. And thus I successfully keep a journal for ~month at the longest.
Anyway, time to refocus this blog ad majorem gloria Dei rather than ad majorem gloria virek.
And so time for a fresh beginning.
- really part of my larger strength-idolatry, which therein
- leads to exceptionally hard work
- as well as extreme disquiet when the expectation/strength god is not appeased
- is the reason I haven't updated here for a while.
The same dynamic is operative in journaling. And thus I successfully keep a journal for ~month at the longest.
Anyway, time to refocus this blog ad majorem gloria Dei rather than ad majorem gloria virek.
And so time for a fresh beginning.
12.3.06
miscarriaged
that's how it feels now. it won't in a while, but it does now.
God, I give You my pain: take it, heal it, and walk with me. Take the torrent inside my heart and calm it; provide me with the peace of knowing that we are in Your hands, and rebuild what is now cracked.
Don't let this stop me from being Your servant/son and crying out Your glory.
---
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him, all creatures here below
Praise Him, above the heavenly host
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
The Author of Creation and Root of all good; the Redeemer who breaks the kingdom of the world; the Healer who lifts my head and will not suffer me to lose sight of Him.
Whatever feeble shell of honor I can give You, take it and perfect it; make it complete and wear it in the full sight of the Throne.
God, I give You my pain: take it, heal it, and walk with me. Take the torrent inside my heart and calm it; provide me with the peace of knowing that we are in Your hands, and rebuild what is now cracked.
Don't let this stop me from being Your servant/son and crying out Your glory.
---
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him, all creatures here below
Praise Him, above the heavenly host
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
The Author of Creation and Root of all good; the Redeemer who breaks the kingdom of the world; the Healer who lifts my head and will not suffer me to lose sight of Him.
Whatever feeble shell of honor I can give You, take it and perfect it; make it complete and wear it in the full sight of the Throne.
9.3.06
and thus ends winter quarter.. almost
I stand amazed: it simultaneously feels like this quarter has been going on for years and as though it just started. sort of like an extended version of the "every day an eternity and a moment" feeling I had through much of ups. decidedly different however: graduated life moves at a lot slower pace and things change much slower, perhaps at a much more realistic and natural pace. life has definitely been full however-
1. probably the top of the list would be the one thing I won't let myself write about publicly yet. it still deserves space because of its inherent coolness/mystery (I'm happy). suffice it to say that I would really appreciate prayer: for peace, for continuing patience, for wisdom, and for the simple ability to relax and enjoy a surpassing blessing. I apologize for the vagueness; perhaps it won't be necessary in too long, and perhaps it will. sad: I could write and talk and think about this for hours. alas. reality man.
2. physics and math have definitely consumed my life. didn't see that coming with the whole grad student thing. =p
- classes this quarter have been good (well, up to s&m with bulgac - oh, and "s&m" refers to statistical mechanics; the house name for the class is "s&m with bulgac" though). in terms of academic performance, they've been really good, for which I'm incredibly grateful. about five weeks or so was the low point of the year so far, where my brain just wasn't working and I was sick and tired of endless amounts of busy-work. and God has definitely carried me since then. and thus my thanks and praise. interesting though: I think my tiredness is definitely throwing off my perception, because I think I've been grateful and thankful and have consciously been aware/communicated-to-others the many ways that God's kept me going, and yet right now it feels as though I've been an unthankful whore, soaking up His blessings and then ignoring His kindness and running back to work and letting my spirit stay there. I don't know. praise God that His grace covers all of our sins and frees us both from things we actually do to separate ourselves from Him and the things we merely think and feel have offended God. it's so freaking powerful and good that it reconciles God's anger at us, and it reconciles our hearts back to him in entirety.
[I can tell I'm tired: I started out talking about classes and got on about grace, although it's probably not a fault to randomly interject about the goodness of God =p]
- for most of my life, I've known that I'm pretty smart, but I've never known just what kind of gift God had given until recently. it's a question that, even though I really didn't want it to linger, stuck around anyway (probably as a result of pride & curiosity). I don't find it weird that now that I'm starting to get an answer to the question, I don't really care anymore. a gift is simply that: a gift. powerful, sometimes eye-grabbing, but still a gift. and in this case, the full fruition of the gift only comes as a result of the Giver's continuing assistance and guidance. the way God's set that up is really cool I think: I can't take credit for my intelligence for my pride in the first place because I didn't give it to me, and second in order for the gift to be fully used, it requires His help all the freaking time (which again smacks down the development of pride). and that's just the human dimension (negative in this case - the structure helps defend us from sin) where satan uses our talents to try to make us think of ourselves as little gods. the positive/constructive is even cooler: the fulfilled/redeemed use of the gift is an offering unto heaven, finer than the sweetest music, and gives glory back to the Giver and brings Him happiness/joy.
I pray that my intelligence would consciously be attuned to the continuing glory of the Kingdom, particularly in the mundane (i.e. pages of useless algebra =p).
- logistically, this was supposed to be the most difficult quarter of the year and possibly the whole time in grad school. unfortunately, I may be taking my newfound freedom and getting too excited and thus geting overcommitted for next quarter:
1. physics 515 - e/m 3
2. physics 519 - quantum 3
3. physics 5?? - the paper class (easy)
4. math 546 - manifolds 3 (finally - we'll actually be able to take a derivative like two weeks into the last quarter of the freaking class :D)
5. physics 600 - group theory with kaplan
6. physics 600 - string theory project with karch
7. physics 503 - teaching seminar (doesn't really count)
all told, something like ~23 credits, or double standard load by the credit count. I pray I'm not going too far here.
- oh, and the string theory thing looks freaking awesome. to start out with, it'll just be classical mechanics on a curved background as a model for mesons and flux tubes (really surprising, and really cool). boo yah shaka (and it almost comes back to something physical).
God continues to be good. it cannot be emphasized enough.
this weekend's gonna be frikkin awesome too. yes.
---
Christ, I give the rest of this night to You. I delight in the rest that comes from sitting at Your feet and taking in Your light. Take my life and continue to redeem it, conform it to Your ways, and continue to give me Your mind and life.
In order for that to happen, You say that I must share in Your death (and thus share in Your Resurrection). Show me where I am holding back and where I am resisting Your call to plunge into death Jesus. Help me to submit and make it perfect.
Praise be to the King of Creation and Eternity.
1. probably the top of the list would be the one thing I won't let myself write about publicly yet. it still deserves space because of its inherent coolness/mystery (I'm happy). suffice it to say that I would really appreciate prayer: for peace, for continuing patience, for wisdom, and for the simple ability to relax and enjoy a surpassing blessing. I apologize for the vagueness; perhaps it won't be necessary in too long, and perhaps it will. sad: I could write and talk and think about this for hours. alas. reality man.
2. physics and math have definitely consumed my life. didn't see that coming with the whole grad student thing. =p
- classes this quarter have been good (well, up to s&m with bulgac - oh, and "s&m" refers to statistical mechanics; the house name for the class is "s&m with bulgac" though). in terms of academic performance, they've been really good, for which I'm incredibly grateful. about five weeks or so was the low point of the year so far, where my brain just wasn't working and I was sick and tired of endless amounts of busy-work. and God has definitely carried me since then. and thus my thanks and praise. interesting though: I think my tiredness is definitely throwing off my perception, because I think I've been grateful and thankful and have consciously been aware/communicated-to-others the many ways that God's kept me going, and yet right now it feels as though I've been an unthankful whore, soaking up His blessings and then ignoring His kindness and running back to work and letting my spirit stay there. I don't know. praise God that His grace covers all of our sins and frees us both from things we actually do to separate ourselves from Him and the things we merely think and feel have offended God. it's so freaking powerful and good that it reconciles God's anger at us, and it reconciles our hearts back to him in entirety.
[I can tell I'm tired: I started out talking about classes and got on about grace, although it's probably not a fault to randomly interject about the goodness of God =p]
- for most of my life, I've known that I'm pretty smart, but I've never known just what kind of gift God had given until recently. it's a question that, even though I really didn't want it to linger, stuck around anyway (probably as a result of pride & curiosity). I don't find it weird that now that I'm starting to get an answer to the question, I don't really care anymore. a gift is simply that: a gift. powerful, sometimes eye-grabbing, but still a gift. and in this case, the full fruition of the gift only comes as a result of the Giver's continuing assistance and guidance. the way God's set that up is really cool I think: I can't take credit for my intelligence for my pride in the first place because I didn't give it to me, and second in order for the gift to be fully used, it requires His help all the freaking time (which again smacks down the development of pride). and that's just the human dimension (negative in this case - the structure helps defend us from sin) where satan uses our talents to try to make us think of ourselves as little gods. the positive/constructive is even cooler: the fulfilled/redeemed use of the gift is an offering unto heaven, finer than the sweetest music, and gives glory back to the Giver and brings Him happiness/joy.
I pray that my intelligence would consciously be attuned to the continuing glory of the Kingdom, particularly in the mundane (i.e. pages of useless algebra =p).
- logistically, this was supposed to be the most difficult quarter of the year and possibly the whole time in grad school. unfortunately, I may be taking my newfound freedom and getting too excited and thus geting overcommitted for next quarter:
1. physics 515 - e/m 3
2. physics 519 - quantum 3
3. physics 5?? - the paper class (easy)
4. math 546 - manifolds 3 (finally - we'll actually be able to take a derivative like two weeks into the last quarter of the freaking class :D)
5. physics 600 - group theory with kaplan
6. physics 600 - string theory project with karch
7. physics 503 - teaching seminar (doesn't really count)
all told, something like ~23 credits, or double standard load by the credit count. I pray I'm not going too far here.
- oh, and the string theory thing looks freaking awesome. to start out with, it'll just be classical mechanics on a curved background as a model for mesons and flux tubes (really surprising, and really cool). boo yah shaka (and it almost comes back to something physical).
God continues to be good. it cannot be emphasized enough.
this weekend's gonna be frikkin awesome too. yes.
---
Christ, I give the rest of this night to You. I delight in the rest that comes from sitting at Your feet and taking in Your light. Take my life and continue to redeem it, conform it to Your ways, and continue to give me Your mind and life.
In order for that to happen, You say that I must share in Your death (and thus share in Your Resurrection). Show me where I am holding back and where I am resisting Your call to plunge into death Jesus. Help me to submit and make it perfect.
Praise be to the King of Creation and Eternity.
9.2.06
Crazy living
lordy. the past couple weeks (well, really the past month) have been ridiculous.
this week, however, has been downright pleasant. we have an e/m midterm in ~90 minutes and savage was gracious enough to let us actually study for the exam by not assigning a 10-hour-to-legitimately-complete problem set. as a result, I've had a chance to let my mind "rest" for the past couple of days and thereby regain my focus/clarity of thought. *that's* probably been the most frustrating aspect of school over the past few weeks - the lack of sharpness and perception.
anyway, God is freaking good:
- developments across the mountains that still make my heart..err.. flutter. there has to be a more masculine word for that. more to be written at the proper time; suffice it to say that it's thoroughly good.
- finally got hooked up with a community group at Mars Hill. all guys. good guys at that. which led to some confusion when I contacted the leader to join them and he assumed I was a woman because of the name. danish pride baby.
- out of the blue yesterday I was talking with one of my TAs about some stuff he was working on, and near the end of the conversation.. well, I may have a lead-in to some string theory work with andreas during the spring/summer. just came out of nowhere.
and now, class. and the sun is shining!
to the God immortal, invisible, and complete - amen.
---
"Beauty will save the world."
- Attributed to Lev Nikolaevich Myshkin [main character in Dostoevsky's "The Idiot"]
this week, however, has been downright pleasant. we have an e/m midterm in ~90 minutes and savage was gracious enough to let us actually study for the exam by not assigning a 10-hour-to-legitimately-complete problem set. as a result, I've had a chance to let my mind "rest" for the past couple of days and thereby regain my focus/clarity of thought. *that's* probably been the most frustrating aspect of school over the past few weeks - the lack of sharpness and perception.
anyway, God is freaking good:
- developments across the mountains that still make my heart..err.. flutter. there has to be a more masculine word for that. more to be written at the proper time; suffice it to say that it's thoroughly good.
- finally got hooked up with a community group at Mars Hill. all guys. good guys at that. which led to some confusion when I contacted the leader to join them and he assumed I was a woman because of the name. danish pride baby.
- out of the blue yesterday I was talking with one of my TAs about some stuff he was working on, and near the end of the conversation.. well, I may have a lead-in to some string theory work with andreas during the spring/summer. just came out of nowhere.
and now, class. and the sun is shining!
to the God immortal, invisible, and complete - amen.
---
"Beauty will save the world."
- Attributed to Lev Nikolaevich Myshkin [main character in Dostoevsky's "The Idiot"]
29.1.06
Whoa
...
it's good to be captivated by beauty.
I won't write anything more; mere words would trivialize.
---
Glorious! Luminous!
it's good to be captivated by beauty.
I won't write anything more; mere words would trivialize.
---
Glorious! Luminous!
19.1.06
Interessant
from cnn.com: U.S. rejects bin Laden tape's 'truce' offer
notable quotes-
"The war against America and its allies will not be confined to Iraq," the voice on the tape said, adding that "Iraq has become a magnet for attracting and training talented fighters."
"It's only a matter of time," the voice said, referring to attacks. "They are in the planning stages, and you will see them in the heart of your land as soon as the planning is complete."
"In response to the substance of the polls in the U.S., which indicate that Americans do not want to fight Muslims on Muslim land, nor do they want Muslims to fight them on their land, we do not mind offering a long-term truce based on just conditions that we will stick to.
"We are a nation that God banned from lying and stabbing others in the back. Hence, both parties of the truce will enjoy stability and security to rebuild Iraq and Afghanistan, which were destroyed by war.
"There is no problem in this solution, but it will prevent hundreds of billions from going to influential people and warlords in America -- those who supported Bush's electoral campaign. And from this, we can understand Bush and his gang's insistence on continuing the war."
thus we conclude several things:
1. bin laden did not make his first international appearance in over a year idly. the content of his speech was not directed at members of al qaeda, making the american public his primary audience. this video then falls in the same category as nearly all other bin laden tapes: blatant propaganda. [I saw a few folks on some "left-leaning" blogs that merely presumed that the tape was fake and that the bush administration created the tape as a stumping tool towards military action against iran; they.. have a problem]
2. in the history of military propaganda (particularly modern, i.e. the past seventy years), the folks creating the propaganda rarely pull a reverse psychology trick. this has been especially true of terrorist organizations and the modern middle east.
3. it follows that the reaction bin laden & co are trying to elicit is not "well bin laden's bashing bush and the current policies.. and since he knows that we're going to go against whatever he suggests, he really wants us to support bush/current policy.. and therefore we'll stand all the stronger against it!" look at vichy france during WWII and messages coming out of the kremlin during the cold war. now that both conflicts are over, we're able to compare the propaganda record with the internal documents that reflect the actual views of the government involved. whenever did german propaganda try to elevate churchill's status in britain? whenever did soviet russia make a plug for reagan? from time immemorial until the present, propaganda is not designed to be complex and pull a princess bride. it is designed to antagonize the fears and insecurity of the population targeted with the hope of bringing division, discord, and demoralization. this case is no different.
4. to make things absolutely clear, there's a reason why half of the tape sounded like it was pulled from fahrenheit 9/11. and it's not because moore's right.
al qaeda is hurting. they're hurting bad. sending in bombers from outside iraq to bomb iraqi civilians hasn't exactly made the iraqis happy. bombing native jordanians hasn't exactly made them happy either. the enemy is losing soldiers at apparently a 10:1 clip compared to american casualties, and as valuable as every american casualty has been to the enemy's cause via our own media (if WW2 had been fought with our media covering it.. we'd live in a different world), the pool of terrorist recruits is growing smaller every day. pissing off the local muslim populations has only encouraged their support base to rat them out and seek their death (see al-zarquawi's recent disownage by his own family). logistics and planning for future operations in the american heartland have been disrupted by continued success in afghanistan, well-intelled raids in iraq, and the little-discussed fruits of current american policy.
the question until now has been "well, even if the above is true, how much have we hurt them on an absolute scale?" now we know.
bin laden's suggestion for a truce is simultaneously a play to the half of our nation who wants our troops home now and an admission of how much damage al qaeda has received over the past four years. we hit them directly in afghanistan, but I suspect that iraq has been even more of a logistical drain on al qaeda than it's been on us:
- a terrorist organization's support structure can rely only so much on fear to keep folks in line. since most of their recruits of late have been hell-bent on american presence in iraq, they have little choice but to direct their focus there. this is factually supported in that al qaeda's training camps seem to consistently be focused on combat training. as opposed to more.. asymmetrical endeavors.
- continuing the item above, it takes planners and higher-ups to be able to direct these missions in iraq. planners that used to spend time figuring out how to get us by flying planes into our cities are being forced to plan missions against muslims and armed, armored american troops.
- as useful as our presence in iraq has been to al qaeda's recruitment effort, the growing suspicion and downright anger towards al qaeda fermenting in much of the muslim world involved will have long-term effects that will ultimately produce a much stronger drain on al qaeda than shooting them will.
- however, iran is a serious wild card here. that brand of terrorist-supporting extreme nationalism could potentially negate all gains here through simple state subsidy and exploitation of the victimage mechanism (particularly jews; this upcoming "holocaust conference" in iran is not pointless).
very interesting indeed. I suspect that we've been far more effective than we'd hoped.
---
frikkin mountains.
I'm excited for this weekend:
- get to see jim & emily before she heads off to france
- seahawks are playing for the superbowl on sunday
- church!
- solid, undistacted time with God
boo yah.
---
"After all, I quite naturally want to live in order to fulfill my whole capacity for living, and not in order to fulfill my reasoning capacity alone, which is no more than some one-twentieth of my capacity for living. What does reason know? It knows only what it has managed to learn (and it may never learn anything else; that isn't very reassuring, but why not admit it?), while human nature acts as a complete entity, with all that is in it, consciously or unconsciously; and though it may be wrong, it's nevertheless alive."
- Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky
notable quotes-
"The war against America and its allies will not be confined to Iraq," the voice on the tape said, adding that "Iraq has become a magnet for attracting and training talented fighters."
"It's only a matter of time," the voice said, referring to attacks. "They are in the planning stages, and you will see them in the heart of your land as soon as the planning is complete."
"In response to the substance of the polls in the U.S., which indicate that Americans do not want to fight Muslims on Muslim land, nor do they want Muslims to fight them on their land, we do not mind offering a long-term truce based on just conditions that we will stick to.
"We are a nation that God banned from lying and stabbing others in the back. Hence, both parties of the truce will enjoy stability and security to rebuild Iraq and Afghanistan, which were destroyed by war.
"There is no problem in this solution, but it will prevent hundreds of billions from going to influential people and warlords in America -- those who supported Bush's electoral campaign. And from this, we can understand Bush and his gang's insistence on continuing the war."
thus we conclude several things:
1. bin laden did not make his first international appearance in over a year idly. the content of his speech was not directed at members of al qaeda, making the american public his primary audience. this video then falls in the same category as nearly all other bin laden tapes: blatant propaganda. [I saw a few folks on some "left-leaning" blogs that merely presumed that the tape was fake and that the bush administration created the tape as a stumping tool towards military action against iran; they.. have a problem]
2. in the history of military propaganda (particularly modern, i.e. the past seventy years), the folks creating the propaganda rarely pull a reverse psychology trick. this has been especially true of terrorist organizations and the modern middle east.
3. it follows that the reaction bin laden & co are trying to elicit is not "well bin laden's bashing bush and the current policies.. and since he knows that we're going to go against whatever he suggests, he really wants us to support bush/current policy.. and therefore we'll stand all the stronger against it!" look at vichy france during WWII and messages coming out of the kremlin during the cold war. now that both conflicts are over, we're able to compare the propaganda record with the internal documents that reflect the actual views of the government involved. whenever did german propaganda try to elevate churchill's status in britain? whenever did soviet russia make a plug for reagan? from time immemorial until the present, propaganda is not designed to be complex and pull a princess bride. it is designed to antagonize the fears and insecurity of the population targeted with the hope of bringing division, discord, and demoralization. this case is no different.
4. to make things absolutely clear, there's a reason why half of the tape sounded like it was pulled from fahrenheit 9/11. and it's not because moore's right.
al qaeda is hurting. they're hurting bad. sending in bombers from outside iraq to bomb iraqi civilians hasn't exactly made the iraqis happy. bombing native jordanians hasn't exactly made them happy either. the enemy is losing soldiers at apparently a 10:1 clip compared to american casualties, and as valuable as every american casualty has been to the enemy's cause via our own media (if WW2 had been fought with our media covering it.. we'd live in a different world), the pool of terrorist recruits is growing smaller every day. pissing off the local muslim populations has only encouraged their support base to rat them out and seek their death (see al-zarquawi's recent disownage by his own family). logistics and planning for future operations in the american heartland have been disrupted by continued success in afghanistan, well-intelled raids in iraq, and the little-discussed fruits of current american policy.
the question until now has been "well, even if the above is true, how much have we hurt them on an absolute scale?" now we know.
bin laden's suggestion for a truce is simultaneously a play to the half of our nation who wants our troops home now and an admission of how much damage al qaeda has received over the past four years. we hit them directly in afghanistan, but I suspect that iraq has been even more of a logistical drain on al qaeda than it's been on us:
- a terrorist organization's support structure can rely only so much on fear to keep folks in line. since most of their recruits of late have been hell-bent on american presence in iraq, they have little choice but to direct their focus there. this is factually supported in that al qaeda's training camps seem to consistently be focused on combat training. as opposed to more.. asymmetrical endeavors.
- continuing the item above, it takes planners and higher-ups to be able to direct these missions in iraq. planners that used to spend time figuring out how to get us by flying planes into our cities are being forced to plan missions against muslims and armed, armored american troops.
- as useful as our presence in iraq has been to al qaeda's recruitment effort, the growing suspicion and downright anger towards al qaeda fermenting in much of the muslim world involved will have long-term effects that will ultimately produce a much stronger drain on al qaeda than shooting them will.
- however, iran is a serious wild card here. that brand of terrorist-supporting extreme nationalism could potentially negate all gains here through simple state subsidy and exploitation of the victimage mechanism (particularly jews; this upcoming "holocaust conference" in iran is not pointless).
very interesting indeed. I suspect that we've been far more effective than we'd hoped.
---
frikkin mountains.
I'm excited for this weekend:
- get to see jim & emily before she heads off to france
- seahawks are playing for the superbowl on sunday
- church!
- solid, undistacted time with God
boo yah.
---
"After all, I quite naturally want to live in order to fulfill my whole capacity for living, and not in order to fulfill my reasoning capacity alone, which is no more than some one-twentieth of my capacity for living. What does reason know? It knows only what it has managed to learn (and it may never learn anything else; that isn't very reassuring, but why not admit it?), while human nature acts as a complete entity, with all that is in it, consciously or unconsciously; and though it may be wrong, it's nevertheless alive."
- Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky
16.1.06
Week of January 16
happy mlk day. worth remembering.
this past weekend saw the following:
1. the seahawks' first win in the postseason since the year I was born. (woot)
2. a chance to catch up with liane and enjoy friendship.
3. a good talk with lilje (we miss you brother; far more than you'll ever know)
4. church :D (gotta love a church whose sermon series on I corinthians is titled "christians gone wild")
5. ~24 hours of physics/math problem sets & grading
6. one freaking awesome phone call. same feeling as the one you get from goin' ho and barely nabbing a disc while fully extended parallel to muddy ground six inches below you. in the inzone. with a defender running right for your face while you catch it. the kind of feeling that makes you instantly leap to your feet with a roar in your mouth and fire in your eyes.
it'll play out, but for now it's quite excellent. the future's in God's Hands, but the present is mighty full.
officially confirmed: exciting times are afoot.
on tap for this week:
- manifolds 2 [W] (almost done..)
- e/m 3 [Th] (looks pretty straight-forward)
- prep for quantum/manifolds 3 for next week
- relearning representation theory for su(2)
- dad's comin up! [W]
- second part of EFT lecture [F]
the EFT talk last week was good. critical content was:
1. effecient computation of scaling dimension
2. scale invariance of action true, but doesn't imply that each term contributes equally to correlation functions; through feynman, we see that it's the couplings that determine importance
3. evidently (up to a physical lack of duality for the mass) (d+1)-dimensional relativistic scalar field couplings transform like (d-1+1)-dimensional nonrelativistic yada yada yada. and vice versa.
and UPS people are now back. :D
---
Staring at the shoreline
Wishing for some hope
The weight of empty fishing nets
Is more than twisted rope
And underneath stern faces
They wait with baited breath
With broken hearts from hoping
While casting out their nets
Sees their failure on the Shore
Speaks His words like plain men sing
His hands they still have holes in them
Glory to the King!
Can you hear the bells a-ringing?
Far, far away?
Can you hear the voices singing?
Far, far away?
And Peter was a liar
A traitor just like me
And Judas was a hypocrite
And Paul a pharisee
When Truth can be so distant
And Hope evades our reach
Peter swam across the water
And found It on the beach
Can you hear the bells a-ringing
Far, far away?
Can you hear the voices singing
Far, far away?
I know that one day soon a song shall rise
You'll hear it when the sleep's still in your eyes!
I hear they'll hang you upside-down
Stretched across two boards
For hearing distant voices
And crossing to the Lord
- Five Iron Frenzy, Far Far Away
this past weekend saw the following:
1. the seahawks' first win in the postseason since the year I was born. (woot)
2. a chance to catch up with liane and enjoy friendship.
3. a good talk with lilje (we miss you brother; far more than you'll ever know)
4. church :D (gotta love a church whose sermon series on I corinthians is titled "christians gone wild")
5. ~24 hours of physics/math problem sets & grading
6. one freaking awesome phone call. same feeling as the one you get from goin' ho and barely nabbing a disc while fully extended parallel to muddy ground six inches below you. in the inzone. with a defender running right for your face while you catch it. the kind of feeling that makes you instantly leap to your feet with a roar in your mouth and fire in your eyes.
it'll play out, but for now it's quite excellent. the future's in God's Hands, but the present is mighty full.
officially confirmed: exciting times are afoot.
on tap for this week:
- manifolds 2 [W] (almost done..)
- e/m 3 [Th] (looks pretty straight-forward)
- prep for quantum/manifolds 3 for next week
- relearning representation theory for su(2)
- dad's comin up! [W]
- second part of EFT lecture [F]
the EFT talk last week was good. critical content was:
1. effecient computation of scaling dimension
2. scale invariance of action true, but doesn't imply that each term contributes equally to correlation functions; through feynman, we see that it's the couplings that determine importance
3. evidently (up to a physical lack of duality for the mass) (d+1)-dimensional relativistic scalar field couplings transform like (d-1+1)-dimensional nonrelativistic yada yada yada. and vice versa.
and UPS people are now back. :D
---
Staring at the shoreline
Wishing for some hope
The weight of empty fishing nets
Is more than twisted rope
And underneath stern faces
They wait with baited breath
With broken hearts from hoping
While casting out their nets
Sees their failure on the Shore
Speaks His words like plain men sing
His hands they still have holes in them
Glory to the King!
Can you hear the bells a-ringing?
Far, far away?
Can you hear the voices singing?
Far, far away?
And Peter was a liar
A traitor just like me
And Judas was a hypocrite
And Paul a pharisee
When Truth can be so distant
And Hope evades our reach
Peter swam across the water
And found It on the beach
Can you hear the bells a-ringing
Far, far away?
Can you hear the voices singing
Far, far away?
I know that one day soon a song shall rise
You'll hear it when the sleep's still in your eyes!
I hear they'll hang you upside-down
Stretched across two boards
For hearing distant voices
And crossing to the Lord
- Five Iron Frenzy, Far Far Away
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